“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.”– Raymond Lindquist
I can remember quite vividly the first time I rode my bike without training wheels. I was four or five years old, and we were bicycling in our neighbors long drive-way. I don’t remember how long I rode with training wheels, but the moment I was riding without them, it felt as it should have been all along.
I was pedaling by myself. I was smiling from ear to ear, and it was simple because I didn’t have to battle my hesitancy, my reluctancy and instead I simply trusted myself. Trusted myself to understand the rhythm of the bike, how to maintain momentum and how to correct when needed.
Letting go of habits that do not serve us can be scary, much like letting go of our training wheels. The habits, much like the training wheels appear to give us safety, security and clear boundaries, but in reality, they hold us back from reaching our fullest potential.
Here is another analogy that I was reminded of this winter whilst traveling over snow and ice packed mountain passes with streams of travelers. Trucks and some cars chose to gear their vehicles with chains (understand for the trucks who were carrying extreme weight, but for vehicles that weren’t, it forced them to only drive 30 mph no matter what the road conditions were. And while the chains were indeed valuable in very unique situations, for the remainder of the trip, they caused damage to the roads and slowed everyone (who had traction tires) down unnecessarily. Now, I am not saying to refrain from putting on chains. Absolutely not. Safety is paramount, and I’d rather go slow than not make it at all, but the here’s the similarity between chains on tires and holding onto habits that no longer serve us even when we may have had good intentions when we adopted them: they limit us from reaching the quality of life we seek to attain and experience.
Since 2017 began, I have been contemplating the habits, ideas and approaches to living that cause me strife, anxiety, and mental exhaustion. And while you may be wondering, Well, if they’re causing such negative responses, why do you hold on to them? you have to understand that these are defaults that arose out of protection based, for good reason, on experiences from the past. However, these experiences took place in the past, and I, as we all have with each day we wake up, was no longer in the past, but instead the present. And if indeed my habits were causing negative responses in me, perhaps I needed to reassess their presence in my way of going about living.
Today, I’d like to share with you 30 habits, choices, ways of living to let go of. At some point all of these items had to be relinquished by myself: some quite some time ago and some more recently. Either way, having let them go, the quality of my life has risen even if at first the angst of making such a choice gave me great pause as I wondering what awaited me on the other side of each change I was instituted in my life.
Let go of . . .
1. Unhealthy, toxic, destructive relationships
Who cares if they are family, who cares if they have been in your life for years, who cares if they mean well. If they hold you down, cause you pain (emotional and/or physically), dash your hopes and hurt your spirit, let them go.
2. The timeline you had for your life that you are clinging to. Ultimately, your stubborn grasp is what is denying you the opportunity to experience a beautiful life.
3. The fear of abandonment
When we fear we will be abandoned, denied, or rejected, we cling even harder and in so doing begin to push others away. Discover how to stand on your own two feet, enjoy your own company and be your own best friend. Knowing the one person who you depend upon, you, cannot and will not abandon you, releases your need to cling out of desperation and fear onto others.
4. Stereotypes
Instead of making assumptions about who someone is based on shared similarities with a particular group that you think you understand, take the time to get to know the person, the individual. And then remind yourself, you wouldn’t want to be pigeoned-holed based on what “group” your exterior, ethnicity or sex associates you with, so refrain from limiting others as well.
5. Absolutes
Each one of us is human which means we will make mistakes. We will have bad days, we will have moments we wish we could change. With this in mind, remind yourself that the people in your life will not be perfect and neither will you. No one person is 100% good or 100% bad. This is not to say you shouldn’t be clear about what you can and won’t tolerate, but be patient with people and yourself.
6. Cynicism
A negative perspective on the world will no more improve the quality of your life than showing up late to an interview.
7. Assuming the worst and saying it is self-preservation
Running through all of the possible scenarios good and bad, and then assessing how you would deal with them is not necessarily a bad thing to do to ease your mind. However, if you automatically assume the worst no matter who wonder the situation is, you will close the door of any possible unexpected goodness taking place. It might seem to be a safer course of action to put the armor on now even though nothing has warranted it, but it will keep you inflexible and unable to move with the beauty of possibility.
Clutter, extra sporting equipment, extra clothes, extra furniture, let it go.
9. Stressing about inconsequential life hiccups: bad traffic, long lines,
10. Worrying about what other people think
People will think what they think. But know they are seeing it through their own lens, and you have no idea what that perspective is. Own your beautiful, amazing self. Stay in your lane and enjoy the journey.
11. Past relationships that didn’t work out . . . because they weren’t supposed to. Move forward, move upward and be thankful for the opportunity.
12. Wanting to control everything
We simply cannot control everything, and when we continue to try, we reduce our ability to control what we can in the best way possible to render the most satisfactory results. Take a deep breath, and recognize where you have a role, a responsibility and then own your part to the best of your ability.
13. Expectations
I used to despise the quote that stated one should never expect in order to never be disappointed. And while I still am not a huge fan, I do now understand the premise. When we let go, we cannot be disappointed due to the absence of something. However, I hold out hope and refrain from being cynical, so when something does occur that is worth applauding, I can respond with sincere elation.
14. Comparisons
Appreciating anything or anyone for being what or who they are requires an observant, appreciate and secure individual. While we can certainly be inspired by others, knowing we are each on our own journey, makes it easier to applaud and support others as they journey through their life and we journey through ours.
15. The belief that you must always be happy and comfortable
Social media would have us believe that happiness is a constant state of being. Nope, not true. And we do ourselves a disservice by judging our level of happiness and then berating ourselves when we can’t seem to maintain such a high and happy mood all the day through.
16. Thinking you must fit in somewhere
17. Insecurities
18. Ignoring your health
19. Keeping everyone happy
20. Jealousy
21. Expecting perfection in yourself, your partner, friends, family, etc.
22. Overspending
Going to bed at night knowing your checkbook is balanced, debts are paid and you are falling asleep in a safe home. Refrain from purchasing items unless you need them.
23. Avoiding uncomfortable conversations
24. Passive aggressive behavior
25. Thoughts that do not serve you and the journey are wanting to travel
26. Assuming those others are happier, more successful, and have it all figured out.
27. Not appreciating where you are right now in your life.
While such a list can absolutely continue, knowing now, at this very moment, each of us can rid ourselves of habits that our holding us back is a beautiful reminder that those habits, thoughts and approaches that no longer service us can be let go.
Image: source
from The Simply Luxurious Life®
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